I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
