I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
