Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
