He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
