she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
