Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
