If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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