I must be too annoying 4 u.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
