I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize