i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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