hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
