Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
