hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
