At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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