My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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