I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize