I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
