Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
