wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
