I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
