those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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