No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
