He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
