I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
