What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
