Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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