If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
