So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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