i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
