Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
