i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
