arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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