marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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