my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
