there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
