we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
