It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
