a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
