I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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