I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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