Whod you bang
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Randomize
