Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
