She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
