i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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