I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
