Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize