wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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