I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
