I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
