The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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