Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
