so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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