I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize