I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my shit smells like andre
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
