you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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