Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His nipple licking is glorious
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