half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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