I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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