Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so let's talk penis.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
