He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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