My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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