Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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