If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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