Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
