I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
