I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
