five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
