phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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