Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
