dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
