God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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