didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
