Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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