How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Operation Purity has been aborted
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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