We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
